The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, where he describes these five unique styles of communicating love, categories he distilled from his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics.
It has often been said that discovering you and your partner’s primary love language and speaking that language regularly may create a better understanding of each other’s needs and support each other’s growth.
Let’s take a look at the love languages:
A. Words of affirmation: Delineating on this, Chapman said people with words of affirmation as a love language value verbal acknowledgments of affection, including frequent “I love you’s,” compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication like texting and social media engagement. If this works for you, it’s imperative that you regularly use it to lubricate your marriage.
B. Quality time: It was Mahmud-Syed who said “This love language is all about giving your undivided attention to that one special person, without the distraction of television, phone screens, or any other outside interference. They have a strong desire to actively spend time with their significant other, having meaningful conversations or sharing recreational activities”.
People under this category feel the most adored when their partner actively wants to spend time with them and is always down to hang out. Research has shown that they particularly love when active listening, eye contact, and full presence are prioritized hallmarks in the relationship.
C. Acts of services: “This love language is for people who believe that actions speak louder than words. Unlike those who prefer to hear how much they’re cared for, people on this list like to be shown how they’re appreciated. Doing the smaller and bigger chores to make their lives easier or more comfortable is highly cherished by these folx,” said Mahmud-Syed.
You value when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier if your love language is an act of service. It’s things bringing breakfast in bed, coming to pick you from work etc.
D. Gifts: “People whose love language is receiving gifts enjoy being gifted something that is both physical and meaningful. The key is to give meaningful things that matter to them and reflect their values, not necessarily yours,” says Mahmud-Syed.
It’s not about the monetary value but the symbolic thought behind the item. People with this style recognize and value the gift-giving process: the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present. Should this be your language, be intentional at it.
E. Physical touch: “People who communicate their appreciation through this language, when they consent to it, feel appreciated when they are hugged, kissed, or cuddled. They value the feeling of warmth and comfort that comes with physical touch,” says Mahmud-Syed.
People under this category feel loved when they receive physical signs of affection, including kissing, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, and sex. Physical intimacy and touch can be incredibly affirming and serve as a powerful emotional connector for people with this love language.
The reality is that what works for marriage A may not work for marriage B. That is why you need to discover your love languages and explore them because they are the lubricants of the marriage.
