Dear Agatha,
I’m in crisis. My mother-in-law is reputed to be a witch. In the years I have been married to her daughter; the only thing my wife and I have done right, is to abuse each other. Severally, in the presence of my mother-in-law, her two sons living with me have beaten me up.
Some few years back, I met this lady who got pregnant for me. When my wife found out about her, she insisted on the lady aborting the pregnancy, and gave me money for the operation. It was successful.
However, the lady almost died as she kept bleeding for more than eight straight months after the abortion procedure. She had to travel to her village and has refused to see me or take my calls, even though she keeps demanding money from me to treat herself of every manner of sickness arising from the abortion complications.
She also calls with different numbers to heap insults on me, and to place curses on my daughters for what I did to her.
I am presently in court to divorce my wife whom nine different pastors told me, is a witch, and responsible for my difficulties. My girlfriend too was told the same thing by her pastor. In fact, her pastor said, my wife was behind her strange bleeding and that her plan was to kill her.
What do I do? I am 54, my wife is 48, and my girlfriend is 35 years of age.
Hapless Husband.
Dear Hapless Husband,
The fact that you went outside your home, to get a woman pregnant and even got your wife to pay for the abortion, underscores your irresponsibility as a man. Even if the story your pastors told you about your wife is true, this act of yours, nullifies whatever justification you might have had to divorce your wife.
You really didn’t need the presence of another woman to end your marriage if the situation were as bad as you painted it. Besides, in this part of the world and even in some parts of Europe, a tough woman is usually called a witch.
Collecting money from your wife to abort the pregnancy of your side chick goes beyond the ordinary. As a matter of fact, it gives an inkling into the kind of man you really are. In the first instance, a man worth his salt will not be pressured into agreeing to abort a pregnancy he obviously wanted, let alone allowing the wife at home to pay for the abortion of his girlfriend.
It goes beyond logical comprehension. Is it that you are not in charge of your affairs or that your wife is the alpha and omega in your home? And that you only answer the title, husband, by name? If she is really a witch, would she pay for the abortion or allow it to succeed? Spiritually, witches have a way of terminating pregnancies without leaving traces of their act.
Medically, there is no way your girlfriend would have bleed continuously for eight months and lived to tell the story. Leaving you for her village could have been to camouflage her story and make you to keep paying indirectly for tricking her into a relationship with you, and making her go through a needless abortion. If she were telling the truth about her conditions, she would have either stayed within reach of you or given you her address for you to visit her. If she could devise a means of channeling her monetary requests to you, why then isn’t she taking your calls?
It is obvious, she isn’t under spiritual confinement or instructions to stay away from you. Calling to heap curses on you and your daughters shows a woman who has been deeply hurt and is disappointment with you.
Between the time you met her, got her pregnant and that abortion, you must have told her tales about your wife as well as make some promises to her which she found out to be packaged lies when your wife got to know about her condition.
Whatever problems you have in your marriage, attend to them and stop dragging innocent people into it. Nobody made the choice of a wife for you. You met her, and decided that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. I’m sure her mother or your family didn’t force her on you. Your marriage is about the two of you. There is no way both of you, who are from different backgrounds will ever think and behave alike. No matter how solid a relationship is, there will always be points of disagreement and disaffection between couples. What is required is not to fight over such profound differences, but to work around it for the harmony of the family and union.
Obviously, you and your wife haven’t been able to work out where you differences are or how to handle such. Often time, this is the point couples who are not well defined in their attitude towards
marriage decide to throw in the towel, and trading blames for the problems in their union. In your marriage, it is clear a lot of disappointing things have happened over the years.
I also recognized that there might have been a shift in the power play in your home; the kind
that, puts your wife as the head of the family. If she is the one paying all the bills, there is the tendency that she might over-step her bounds like having her family come and go as they like. This might be the reason your mother-in-law appears to be in control of your home. There is no way you can enjoy the support and understanding of your mother-in-law if her daughter is the one picking all the bills.
No doubt, things must change in your home, but not by sleeping with other women outside your home, getting them pregnant and collecting money from your wife to abort the consequences of your mess. Another woman wouldn’t even hear of another woman carrying her husband’s baby let alone part with money to abort the fetus without first beating the woman to stupor. That she gave you the money is a demonstration of her willingness to keep her home.
So what precisely is the problem in your marriage? This is what you should actually ask yourself not labeling people witches. If your mother-in-law and your wife are witches, would you still be alive and having the freedom to date and even bring the existence of your girlfriend to their knowledge? I doubt it.
Granted these two women maybe overbearing, but what are your faults too? If you were up and about, doing what you should do as the head of the home, there is no way your brothers-in-law would dare raise their voices against you let alone beat you up.
The fact too that your girlfriend also behaved rudely clearly underlines the flaws in your character.
The truth is, even if you date all the women in the world, without first dealing with your inadequacies as a man, by answering the salient question of who you really are as a man, you cannot make any woman
happy. Eventually any woman who agrees to date you would, also get the labeling of being a witch by you. A man who cannot think deeply about his life is like an empty shell.
Sincerely, the answer to your situation isn’t in having extramarital affairs. Rather, it is going back to the drawing board to know where you went wrong. At 54, you are in your middle age; the time to slow down and enjoy life absolutely if you had planned it. If at this age, you are still battling with witches and a woman who places curses on you, then something is very wrong with you.
It is time you grew up and plan, if for nothing else, for the sake of your children. Stop pursuing the dust of yesterday; sit down and think of how to take full charge of your life as a man. Your current
marriage may have packed up, but if you don’t address issues begging for answers in your life, you will keep having the same bouquet of problems in your life.
This is the point you have to be completely honest with yourself if you hope to be a happy man at the end of your life.
Good luck.
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