Dear Agatha,
Please I urgently need your help. I am in love with my pastor. It is so deep I cannot tolerate the sight of his spouse.
I live everyday for him and even see us getting married sometime in the future. I am a choristier in the church.
What should I do? I cannot live without him.
Laura.
Dear Laura,
Leave the church before you destroy not, just the church, but this man’s home and reputation as well. The intensity of what you feel is capable of making you commit a crime; the kind you will end up regretting only after you have done it. What you feel isn’t love at all, but infatuation, a kind of obsession that could make you kill anyone you perceive as standing between you and him.
The fact that you are unable to stand the sight of the wife is an indication that you are crossing the line of sanity to insanity. If what you feel is normal, you will be able to fight it because true love is a gentle spirit which can last forever without being violent.
That you are dreaming of the two of you getting married is in itself an indication that, if given the opportunity, you will harm the wife without thinking twice as long as it means achieving your twisted fantasy of marrying her husband.
You must realise that everything you feel for this man is wrong. Apart from being a married man, which makes him unavailable to you, he is also a servant of God, commissioned to uphold the words and moral values of God. If you tempt him to derail, a lot of people, the thousands who have faith in him and his ministry would equally be affected.
These are people who have tied their everything to the ministry of this man, who see him as a representative of the God they don’t see, whose words and works give them a glimpse of the nature of God.
As a chorister, you also occupy a unique place in the church; that of ministering to the spiritual needs of the people through songs. Doubtless, temptations are a compulsory part of the life of every true Christian, but the truth remains that when such temptations come, we must use all we have to ward them off.
So, for you to overcome this particular temptation, you must put a distance between you and this man because, the more you are exposed to his company, the stronger your feelings for him and consequently, the more difficult it becomes for you to end whatever you feel for him. Trust me, it will only get worse if you don’t fight it.
Even if what you feel for him is the real thing; there is no way you can have him. Therefore, stop tormenting yourself by building castles in the air where this man is concerned. Move out of the church, away from everything he represents. Frankly, you need the presence of another man, who cares for you to neutralise whatever you feel for this pastor.
You will never be able to accept another man if you continue to nurse your fantasies about being his wife.
When you move away, it will be easier for you to pray these feelings out of your body. Many a time, out of sight can water down strong feelings of love. If you don’t want to do it for him, do it for yourself because at the end of the day it is your reputation and life that would suffer.
You cannot live everyday for a man who isn’t yours and aware of your feelings for him. It doesn’t make sense. We are all entitled to some forms of fantasies but, when it becomes as strong as you living your life for someone who is out of your reach, then it is a very dangerous feeling. You must therefore learn to begin to live for yourself, have dreams of a man of your own.
Once you grow the determination to leave this man, you will discover a freedom you never thought you had; the liberty to trust more in your person.
Above all, ask God for help to overcome this temptation.
Good luck.
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