By Stanley Ugagbe
Unlike other institutions, marriage is a lifelong journey. Getting it right from the onset is not negotiable because it is a lifetime commitment. You could lose your job and be hopeful to win another. A football team could lose a match and be hopeful to win another. Your business could crumble and with time you can set up another one. You could fail an exam and be confident of passing it next time. But marriage is a one-time permanent signature and that is why it behooves that before you say ‘I Do,’ you need to undergo some compatibility tests. These tests, though may not outrightly determine the success of your marriage, will prepare you both for the journey ahead with a solid foundation. Let’s x-ray some of these tests.
Value Test: This perhaps is one of the most important tests. Do you both share similar philosophies? Do you share same faith? Do you share same spiritual perceptions? Do you share similar or complimentary passions? These are germane questions you both need to address before putting pen to the lifelong paper. If you both don’t agree on these issues, you both may have to be enduring each other instead of enjoying each other. Don’t be carried away with material things or blindfolded by love, address these questions sincerely before signing that paper.
Love Test: There is a clear cut difference between love, lust and infatuation. You both need to be sure you’re genuinely in love with each other before committing to paper. If you are in doubt whether you love someone, give yourself time. Time reveals truth about love. Time distinguishes infatuation from love. Time also reveals if you’re after someone because of material things. Love is a paramount instrument that holds marriage so if it’s one-sided, such marriage may not stand the test of time. Be sure that you both love each other.
Quarrel Test: This may seem flimsy but ideally, one of the crucial tests you have to undergo. Have you quarreled before and forgiven each other or do you keep a grudge? Is it easy to forgive the person? If it is hard, then there is an issue. This is because you need to be at peace with each other to enjoy marriage. There will be time that issues will occur and if you can’t forgive each other easily, that will be a big loophole in your marriage and it is dangerous. Don’t be carried away with material or other things because you can only enjoy marriage when it is peaceful.
Physical Attraction Test: Is there a chemistry between you two? Are you attracted to him/her? Is he/she attracted to you? There has to be a chemistry if not, with time you will begin to get irritated by the person’s presence. Don’t undermine this test because it has been overtime proven to be a crucial pillar in marriage.
Approval Test: Apparently one of the tests with too many issues. Do your family, close friends, spiritual head approve? Most importantly, does God approve? However, others are secondary if God approves. Getting the approval of your family is very crucial but where there are disparities, you need to seek God’s face. It is not enough to fall hopelessly in love and want to sign the dotted lines. You need to see clearly through the lens of others particularly your family before saying ‘I Do’. Remember, it is a lifelong journey.
Respect Test: By nature, humans treasure and want respect. Talk more of your spouse! Can you respect that man? Can you be proud of that man? Can you respect the woman as a wife/mother? Respect begets respect and has to be symbiotic in marriage. If you can’t respect him/her, it is better not to commit to the person. Where there is no respect, other ingredients such as cooperation, love and peace will not thrive and that will not augur well for marriage. Undergo that test before saying ‘I Do’.
Tolerance Test: Everyone have their lapses. And coming from different backgrounds put you two on a different scale. Can you tolerate his/her nasty, petty habits? Do you think you can suffer long with the person in sickness or in health? Life is full of uncertainties and sometimes, some ugly things we never envisaged happen. Life has its good and bad side. It has its sweet and bitter side. It may be colourful today and otherwise tomorrow. Before you put pen to paper and seal the lifelong agreement, be sure you can tolerate the person’s excesses.
As succinctly noted above, undergoing these tests does not outrightly determine the success of your union but will give you an edge, prepare you and give you a solid foundation. For your marriage to be successful, you need to make it work!
